Dear Diary...I Was So Close To Fucking Ending My Life.

Dear God...


The Only Thing I Ask Of You Is To Hold Him When I'm Not Around When I'm Much Too Far Away..





January 18, 2008



He says..

i am still that guy
maybe you thought that i have left because there's no more tears for me to hold back. you've finally gotten me in place
i still and totally madly in love and it wont change a bit. i miss u every night,every second. but don't say that i've changed.i've never did. its just that we used to always be together and i call you but its now rare these days.im sorry.i'll make time for you. i promise i'll always be there didnt i? so stop those tears cos im here for you to smile tho you're shattered inside. give me your problems and i'll treat it the way i treat you...



i says..


i will hold your promise..


So thank you.


for everything


but...


sorry i'm the one who break that promise...








Dear Diary...



You Know...



Your In Love When You Cant Fall Asleep..



Because Reality Is Finally Better Than Your Dreams...



But...Right Now I'm Lost Everything....



Everything Is So Fucked Up.




& I don`t Want It Back..

Toncet Ku Inspi' Toncet Abg Ji ♥

M.A.L.A.S.N.Y.E N.A.K W.A.T K.E.J.E!!!
x suke..x suke..x suke
sbb de setan p'mls dlm bdn ak..
br repair report jap..
mula la setan tu menghasut ak wat keje len
setan ko setan
ak pn m'godeh2 lappy ak..
buang bende2 yg m'beratkan dn m'yesakkan kepala hotak lappy ak
tb2 ak t'jmp gmbr yg ak amek ms
mlm b4 ak ptg rmbt..
ak smpt m'gile snap gmbr dgn Toncet Ku..
rmbt dh pjg dn ble d'buat toncet..
sj mengila..
dn toncet ak baek pny toncet
inspi toncet abg ji....♥
cmne la ak ble lupe ak de snap gmbr comel ni.hahahaha..




Abg Ji wif His Kawaii Toncet *hearto*



Me Wif Serabaii Toncet (^ ^)v

bl ngk blk gmbr ni...
miss my toncet hair (T T)
dh X ble wat toncet kawaii cm Abg ji..
rambot bl ko nk pjg blk...
ak nk wat toncet!!!
I WANT MY TONCET..

Nota Kaki~~Ku

Nota kaki 4 subject Management adlh berwarna Electric Blue. mula nk pakai kaler Merah Darah sbb g exam keesokan hrny memakai baju kurung berwarna merah.. tp disebbkn hormon yg x stabil dan x tentu arah..dn rs cm nk rebel.. tukar kpd Electric Blue.Nota kaki pd hari itu adalah Managing Team.Haru..Haru..=(



NOta Kaki Biru ku.






Nota kaki 4 today adalah Bhs Jerman.
My faveret..ye ke?(^~^) v
dan ianya berwarna Sparkling Ungu *blink*blink*.
Mula2 nk pakai kaler pink..
waa..pink tu..tp tu bkn kaler aku.=)
Kaler biru bertukar ungu sbb mood mellow ku.
sbb hujan kot.mood mellow yellow.
Nota kakinya adalah Essen Und Trinken.







NOta Kaki Ungu ku.




So apakah warna Nota kaki utk Statistic subject feveret ku...huhuhu =(
mesti warna yg haru biru sebagaimana perasaan ku nanti bl menjawab paper itu...adakah kuku kaki ku berwarna kelabu atau hitam arang batu? tungggguuuuuuuu....

to be continued...♥

Odd Old Owls ~~~

Dis poem dedicated to my lovely Odd Old Owls.

i have an owls.

my owls is cute but Old.=)

she is very Old cause dis Monday she turn 52 Years Old.

Her habits a bit Odd.

She always look at mirror and say i'm look so old.

And i say yes meh...because you're old.

Poor Owls..

but i like you even you're old

i like you cause you're cute owls.

that' s all...

♥ u Odd Old Owls.





My Examination Owls~~~~

kawaii ne..?

Sabut Kelapa???

Td sblm blk b.p ak meroyan g kedai gunting rambut

dan srh auntie 2 gunting rambut ak.
rmbut ak dh mula memanjang smp dh tahap leh wat toncet.
dh janji ngn jijin x mau gunting rambut...
but i break dat promise...=(
sorrie jin...
ak dh stat rimas ngn rmbut ak.
ditambah lg dgn segala kekusutan yg melanda kepala...
on da spot je ak trn bwh g kedai gunting rmbt.
naseb baek la kedai tu kt bwh rmh ak je..
mmg la syg..
br b'cita2 nk bela rmbt pjg..
tp ak bila tension+emosi tonggang terbalek
mula la nk mengalter bhgn yg terdapat kt bdn ak..
kl dulu bl tension je...mst ak g tindik..
smp abis telinga ak ditindik..
dh x de tmpt nk ditebuk lg...
bl dh x de tmpt nk ditebuk ak tindik hidung ak..
ms kt poli..
ak tension ngn satu bnd...
ak ajk mmbr ak tmn g bandar msk kedai tindik..x fikir pjg terus "miss sy mau tindik hidung"
mmbr ak t'kejut gile..pas 2 trs kuar kedai x nk ngk ak tindik sbb ngeri..hahahahaha...
lm jugak la ak b'tindik hidung cm lembu..
ada la dlm 1 1/2 thn.
pas2 ak bukak.
skg d'sbbkan dh x taw nk tindik kt mn..
bl ak meroyan je ak akan potong rmbut ku..
kasik pendek..
2 pun td ak cm nk suh aunty 2 botakkan aje rmbt ak
puas hati ak!!!!
kang de plak ak kena tdo lua sbb kena halau ngn jijin...
rmbt baru ak bila dilihat ngn mata kasar mcm sabut kelapa...
hahahahahahaha...

Rambut Sabut Kelapa Kala Datang Gila

tp ak suke sebab ringan kepala...
but i fuckin miss my old fringes..

Rambut Lama Kala Hari Raya

Rmbt lama mengingatkan kepada memori lama.. tutup buku lama..bukak buku baru.So welcome to my new hair.. and my new life.. I Love My Sabut Kelapa New Do.. Goodbye My Ol Hair.. if emosi ku stabil ak akan bela kau pjg semula...

Thanks, Pn Jijin (^ ^)v

Mary Jane Cocaine,
03-04,
Satu Bilik Ngan Pn Jijin
Flat Depan Kedai Mamak KMS
86400 Parit Raja,
Batu Pahat,
Johor Darul Takzim.

____________________________________________________________________

Pn. Najijin
03-04,
Bilik Kecik Depan Toilet,
Flat Depan Kedai Mamak KMS
86400 Parit Raja,
Batu Pahat,
Johor Darul Takzim. 2 NOVEMBER 2008

Puan,

UCAPAN TERIMA KASIH YANG TIDAK TERHINGGA

Merujuk kepada perkara diatas, saya Mary Jane Cocaine, dengan ini ingin mengucapkan beribu-ribu Terima Kasih diatas kemurahan hati Puan didalam beberapa perkara yang dilakukan oleh Puan pada hari ini iaitu 2/11/08.



2. Yang pertama diatas ihsan Puan dan suami Puan yang baik hati menumpangkan saya pulang ke B.P dengan menaiki kereta Puan.



3. Yang kedua diatas kebaikan hati Puan memayungkan saya apabila hujan lebat ketika sampai di depan flet penginapan saya.



4. Yang ketiga diatas kemurahan hati Puan membelanja saya KFC hadiah sempena ulang tahun saya yang ke 22 tahun.=)



5. Saya berharap ucapan Terima Kasih saya dapat diterima oleh puan dan saya ingin mengucapkan Happy Becoming Birthday yang ke 55.



Sekian. Terima kasih.




Yang benar,

Mary Jane Cocaine ♥

Dear Diary...I Lost Everything....

Dear Diary..
I wanna tell you one story..
but would you keep it as a secret for me???
would you protect it from everybody??



Once upon a time,
You thought i were
all that you need.
You thought i complete
you.
You thought i could be your
somebody.
Thought i would meant
something to you...

And you...
You made me feel together
when i always fell apart.
You made me happy
right from the very start.
I let go for a moment
you never left my side.
I never wanted to love again
but you made sure i tried.
You showed me i can love again
you made me forget my past.
Because now we’re in something
we both know will last.
Are we??

But...
I make you feel like shit
why did you not tell me??
You think it’s ok?
And just ignore it.
but you’re the one to blame
I promised
and you trusted
like a fool
I swore, i’d change.
you're not my tool
I need you
but....
My pride is pretty big..and
my ego is everthing to me..
was anything for real?


This is not a letter from Romeo to Juliet nor
was it a letter from Shakespeare to
his beloved in sonnet 18.
It was for me to write and for you to hear.
It was for a moment when everyone disappear
when you were near me.
This was for the time when they thought we were
best soulmates forever.
And you made me happy.
It was for a time when you
meant so much to me that i thought
i could never have a bestest soulmates
like you.
It was for the time i thought
we share everything there is.
This is for you and only you..

Im Sorry,For The Sin I've Done To You And For The Trouble And Heartache I Might Cause,Im Sorry,For All Forgiveness I Could Ask For.
My Only Sorry...I've Been Away..
I Thought You've Been Away From Me....
Everything Is So Wrong With Me, I'm So Sorry
Mianhe.......



Dear Diary...
Let me ask you something
Would You Forget I Ever Said Anything..

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